It’s pretty crazy how quickly life changes.  I learned this lesson when I was 26 years old.  Sal and I were living in Chicago just 7 months into our marriage when my dad died suddenly from a heart attack.  I didn’t think that I needed to learn the lesson again but I guess we could all use a friendly reminder once in a while.  Hopefully, this will be the last of them.  I get the message loud and clear!

It’s been one month and two days since my diagnosis.  I actually haven’t allowed myself the chance to process all that’s happened because I believe that if I allow myself the opportunity to feel what’s going on, it becomes a part of me.  I’m not in denial; cancer just doesn’t define who I am.  This feeling will not remain etched into my memory.  Once this part of my journey is finished, I don’t want to recall what having cancer feels like.

Much has happened in the last month since my diagnosis.  I’ve been for ultrasounds, biopsies, mammograms, MRI’s, a PET Scan, second and third opinions, sharing news with family and friends, collecting pathology reports and slides, blood work, doctor’s appointments, and chemotherapy.  A lot of good things have happened, too.  My baby girl started kindergarten, my son is in Pre-K 4, my baby baby is getting her first tooth, my “big” kids are playing soccer, my sister visited for 2 weeks, I see the kindness in others, Team Barb in NEPA raised the most money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation, and I’m one step closer to beating cancer.  Score!  The past month brought many highs and lows; life is full of ups and downs and you just need to learn to roll with the changes.

My maternity leave was scheduled to end on September 17 and I was supposed to be back to work this past Monday.  Believe it or not, I haven’t been out of work this long since I starting working when I was 18 years old.  Crazy, right?  I like my job and miss helping people but I need to stay focused on resting and getting better.  If you know me, you know that I can’t sit still so it’s pretty tough to try to rest!  There have been a few days when I just crashed.  I get tired like I’ve never felt before.  Thank goodness for the support of my family and friends because on my “tired days” is when I’m especially thankful to have the extra help with meals or my kids.

You might be reading this and wondering how I’m dealing with everything.  I really do try my best to stay positive and remain focused.  I’m human, however.  Of course I have moments of anger when I wonder why this is happening to me.  I’m trying, though, to find the positive in this situation.  Writing about this experience is helping me and if I’m able to help just one other person cope with their diagnosis or help one other person learn how to deal with someone else’s cancer diagnosis, then it’s worth it.  I’ve been wondering if my priorities were a bit out of whack.  Maybe I needed a gut check to realign my life with what really matters.  I’m hopeful that I’m helping those of you reading this to do the same.

Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”  I think he said that just before he impersonated Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago!  Gosh, that movie is awesome!

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!