I’m listening to Radiohead as I write this post.

So, my mind is healthy.  Well, depending on who you talk to.  My friends might refer to me as a “sick ticket”, a person with “issues”, someone who’s “not right in the head”, etc. etc.  I’m thankful everyday that our world was not yet digital during my high school and college years!  A picture trail of my life doesn’t exist somewhere in cyberspace!  Jameson, Chase, and Cameron, if you’re reading this, Mommy was a perfect angel and spent all of her waking moments studying so, so hard.  That’s what the pictures would be – Mommy reading in the library, Mommy drinking coffee to stay up late to study, and Mommy in her PJ’s at 8pm – so I could get a good night’s rest to be up for class bright and early!  All kidding aside, my mind is strong.  Like I’ve said before, I do have moments of anger, panic, and depression but they’re fleeting thoughts.  As quickly as the thoughts come, they go even faster.  I’ve accepted breast cancer for what it is…..a temporary condition that’s changed my life forever……but, for the better.  You might be reading this thinking that I was dealt a crappy hand.  I look at it like I’ve gotten a second a chance at living my life better than I did before and I’m only 34 years old.  I’m pretty damn lucky.  Most people never have the opportunity to know how truly good, kind, and caring their family and friends are.  All of the niceties happen after a person dies.  I’m fortunate enough to experience the good in people right now.  And, again, I’m only 34 years old.  I’m truly blessed.

So, healthy mind – check.  Healthy body?  I started back at the gym yesterday to work on a healthier body.  Dr. Saidman cleared me to do cardio and weights.  The weights are very important, especially now.  All of the lymph nodes on my left side will be removed at the time of surgery.  I stand the risk of developing lymphedema since there will be no lymph nodes present to collect fluid and all of the junk that lymph nodes collect.  The slimmer and stronger I am, the smaller my chances of developing this condition.  It can develop in anyone at anytime, but I’d rather do all that I can to try to prevent one more issue.

I apologize for the length of this post.  I have a bunch of updates for you:

• Poor Uncle Bry was unable to compete in the NYC Marathon on Sunday.  I can understand why it was cancelled, obviously, but what a nightmare.  I feel terrible for all of the people that trained for this marathon and for those who traveled great distances to be in NYC.  The marathon should have been cancelled as soon as Hurricane Sandy hit instead of waiting until Friday afternoon.  What do I know, though?  Anyway, we received the most awesome t-shirts from Dave and Erin Mack a day or two ago.  Thanks so much for thinking of us, guys, and thanks, Bryan, for sporting my name across your back.  I was shocked to see BarbStrong in print.  How very cool and awesome!!  Although, I do recall an e-mail stating that you’d be sporting the SK Tech Group logo somewhere else on your body!  😉

 

•  My sister, Ann, is visiting from California until November 19.  God Bless this girl.  She’s rearranged her work schedule so much to ensure that she’s able to be home for at least 2 weeks at a time.  I know that it’s very costly for her to be flying home so much and her work schedule must be exhausting, but she’s doing it and doesn’t complain at all.  She’s the best.  I love her, Sal loves her, and my kids adore her!  While we’re talking about rearranging schedules, I have to thank my Mom, my Aunt Tina and Uncle Pat, and my in-laws – Sam and Hilda.  Words cannot express the love and appreciation that Sal and I have for these people.  Anytime we call, these people literally drop what they’re doing and come right over.  Things haven’t been easy, by any means, but these family members, in particular, have made our kids’ lives as normal as possible between school pick-ups, homework, dinner time, and bath time.  When they say that it takes a village, it takes a village!

 

• My kids are doing well.  Knock on wood, Cameron has been sleeping from 7-8pm until 6-7am.  Cam’s sleeping through the night has been magical!!  I’m sure that any parent who’s out there reading this realizes what a different person you become due to lack of sleep!  Think of Tina Fey in the Annuale skit.  Google it!  Sal and I attended parent-teacher conferences yesterday afternoon for Jameson and Chase and both kids received great reports.  We’re very proud of them.  The kids have awesome teachers and it was nice to sit down with them for a few minutes.  I’m so happy at a comment that Jameson’s kindergarten teacher passed along.  She said that if she didn’t know what Sal and I were going through, she wouldn’t know by Jameson’s behavior.  James hasn’t skipped a bit.  Her teacher told us that she’s a completely normal 5 year old who loves to learn and socialize.  Normalcy for my kids was one of my greatest fears in being diagnosed with cancer, so this is a huge relief.  I really think that it’s important to be honest with your kids.  Once you lose their trust, I would imagine that it becomes very difficult to win it back.  Chase, the poor little guy, has had a cough for literally 2 months.  I’ve taken him to the doctor about 5 times like a neurotic Mom!  His physical exam is clear, he has no fever, no wheeze, no problems besides a cough.  He’s been on an antibiotic twice in the past month and nothing seemed to be working for him.  I took him for bloodwork and a chest x-ray and his bloodwork came back positive for walking pneumonia.  He’s on a steroid for 5 days and an antibiotic for 3 weeks.  Our house is bananas!

 

• I had round #3 of Taxol and Herceptin on Wednesday.  Things are going very, very well.  We met with Dr. Saidman who is very pleased with the way that everything looks.  He sees a noticeable difference in my most prominent lymph node on the left side and my breast has gotten significantly smaller.  He expects to see big changes as this treatment progresses.  9 more to go!  We’re praying that all of my cancer will be gone at the time of surgery.  I also received more good news yesterday.  My BART test came back negative which means that I don’t carry the breast cancer gene.  This is fantastic news for my children, my sister, and my Mom.  Their chances of developing breast cancer are that of the normal population.  For me, it’s just a weird, fluke thing.  I would much rather have this condition than anyone else in my family, so we’re all good.

 

• I wanted to post a few notes about medications that I’m currently using.  I apologize for going into detail here, but I’m using this blog as a personal journal that I can look back on and also something for other cancer patients to read so they can anticipate what to expect from certain treatments.  Many of you have written to me saying that you’ve passed my blog address on to the newly diagnosed.  I hope that you find some of this information helpful.  Anyway, I’m currently using Anusol suppositories for findings from my sigmoidoscopy.  Dr. Saidman was certain that I didn’t have colon cancer because of my PET Scan, but the blood in my stool was starting to become worrisome.  The suppositories are working very well and everything is going back to normal.  I’m very sensitive to steroids.  With my last treatment of AC, I was being pre-treated with Decadron and then I had to take it for 3 days post treatment.  The insomnia caused from the steroids was pretty terrible.  With Taxol and Herceptin, I’m pre-treated with Decadron, but don’t need to take it following treatment like I did before.  But, that first day is still a killer as far as insomnia goes.  Xanax at bedtime works very well in treating this.  Steroids cause a bunch of other problems, too.  They work well, but it stinks to be on them.  I’ll be using daily Diflucan until my chemo is over.

 

• Lastly, I have a love-hate relationship with Sugar.  I didn’t think that I would be one to sport a wig, but I really am so happy that I have her.  Sadly, I’ve gotten more compliments on Sugar than I have on my real hair!  A number of people have told me that they like my highlights!  I’ve been out of the house with a bini cap on a handful of times.  I get the “poor sick girl” look which I hate.  Sal and I also started referring to people giving me the 4 fingers of pity!  You know – they touch you with 4 fingers and tell you to hang in there!  Being bald isn’t an invitation to chit chat just as being pregnant isn’t an invitation to rub a woman’s stomach!  I know that both groups of people have the best intentions, but…..well, let’s just leave it at that!  Going through this has made me realize so many things, especially how to treat people.  During Leadership Wilkes-Barre, we learned about the Platinum Rule – to treat others the way that they want to be treated.  This rule couldn’t be more true and I’m really just realizing it now.  Having cancer will help me, both personally and professionally, to be more patient with people.  Everyone out there is going through something and you just never know what it is.  You’d probably be surprised, so just try to practice kindness.

Thanks to all of you for reading.  E-mailers, please bear with me.  I promise to respond to each one of you.  Thank you for thinking of me.  I appreciate your thoughts and prayers so much.  Your love and support helps keep me strong.  Have a great weekend, everyone!

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!