“What are my chances? It was a question I would repeat over and over. But it was irrelevant, wasn’t it? It didn’t matter, because the medical odds don’t take into account the unfathomable. There is no proper way to estimate somebody’s chances, and we shouldn’t try, because we can never be entirely right, and it deprives people of hope. Hope that is the only antidote to fear.” – Lance Armstrong, It’s Not About the Bike
So, maybe I’m the last Lance supporter on planet Earth. Why, as a society, do we enjoy watching someone fall from grace? Why is it that those who cheer you today may curse you tomorrow? Yes, Lance Armstrong lied and cheated and I’m sure he did many more terrible things. Haven’t we all done something awful at some point in our lives? Let him who is without sin cast the first stone, right? Lance Armstrong also overcame cancer – a pretty ugly cancer, too. He had testicular cancer with mets to his abdomen, lungs and brain. It’s a miracle that he’s still alive, let alone able to ride a bike.
I started reading Lance’s first book, It’s Not About the Bike, 2 days ago. I’m a little more than halfway through and I can’t seem to put it down. One of Sal’s friends sent it to me in August and I just got around to reading it. Lance’s story is remarkable. The book is really making me think about myself. Strangely enough, I’ve been comparing myself to Lance Armstrong. I’m used to leading a very fast paced life. I like to keep myself and my family very busy. Maybe I, too, was a little too cocky. I was blessed with a pretty normal life. I grew up in a hard-working, middle class family with 2 parents who were married 29 years at the time of my Dad’s passing. I have a sister that’s 3 years younger than me. I graduated from a Catholic grade school, a public high school and a college that specialized in health sciences. I was decent at sports and always had an easy time making friends. I married my high school sweetheart and was blessed with 3 beautiful, healthy children. I had a good job which afforded me a nice house with nice furniture, a nice car, nice clothes, nice vacations – all of the material possessions society would use to measure a person’s success. I’ve really gotten everything that I’ve ever wanted and more. I felt unstoppable my entire life. My life was pretty charmed. I’ve never let anyone or anything come between me and my goals. The world was my playground – I worked hard and played hard. Until August 17, 2012.
On August 17, 2012, I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. I would have traded every vacation that I’ve ever taken for more time. I would have sold my house, my car, my jewelry, and my clothes for another shot at life. Unfortunately, there are no deals to be made with cancer. Cancer doesn’t care how famous you are, how much money you have, or even if you’re still needed by your family and friends.
I always thought that a heart attack would be what would get me. Although I love healthy foods, I inherited my father’s love of junk, too! Still, though, I figured that I would beat my father’s demise at the age of 57 by simply popping a pill – Lipitor. Never in a million years did I think that I’d have cancer to worry about, especially at my age.
Maybe I’m crazy, but I still feel as though this isn’t what’s going to get me. Maybe I’ll get it again and then again after that, but I’ll never stop fighting. I have way too much to live for. My surgery is next Friday and don’t worry. If I happen to see the light or if I’m greeted my Dad or my Uncle Joe or my Lollie, I’ll just tell them that I’m not ready yet! If I happen to see flames instead…..well. I’ll kindly ask to return to life for repentance!
Lance Armstrong did some pretty crappy things. This is true. However, you can’t fake beating cancer. Beating cancer isn’t something that you can lie about. No one will ever take that away from him. I don’t wish to be like Lance Armstrong, the competitive cyclist, but I would like to mimic Lance Armstrong, the cancer conqueror. I’ll continue to end every message as I did with my first post because I still believe in the LIVESTRONG Manifesto which states the following:
“We believe in life. Your life. We believe in living every minute of it with every ounce of your being. And that you must not let cancer take control of it. We believe in energy: channeled and fierce. We believe in focus: getting smart and living strong. Unity is strength. Knowledge is power. Attitude is everything. This is LIVESTRONG.
We kick in the moment you’re diagnosed. We help you accept the tears. Acknowledge the rage. We believe in your right to live without pain. We believe in information. Not pity. And in straight, open talk about cancer. With husbands, wives and partners. With kids, friends and neighbors. Your healthcare team. And the people you live with, work with, cry and laugh with. This is no time to pull punches. You’re in the fight of your life.
We’re about the hard stuff. Like finding the nerve to ask for a second opinion. And a third, or a fourth, if that’s what it takes. We’re about preventing cancer. Finding it early. Getting smart about clinical trials. And if it comes to it, being in control of how your life ends. It’s your life. You will have it your way.
We’re about the practical stuff. Planning for surviving. Banking your sperm. Preserving your fertility. Organizing your finances. Dealing with hospitals, specialists, insurance companies and employers. It’s knowing your rights. It’s your life. Take no prisoners.
We’re about the fight. We’re your advocate before policymakers. Your champion within the healthcare system. Your sponsor in the research labs. And we know the fight never ends. Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life. This is LIVESTRONG. Founded and inspired by Lance Armstrong, one of the toughest cancer survivors on the planet.”
I also believe that miracles can and do happen. We must never, ever give up on ourselves and we must always have hope. I’m still not letting anyone or anything get in the way of my goals. Cancer messed with the wrong person!
LIVESTRONG and God Bless!
Wow! This is one of the most powerful posts yet. All that you say is so true and I am glad I had the privilege to read it. I know you will beat this because you do have way too much living lef to do. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you on the day of your surgery. We love you Barb!
As always I enjoyed your post. I watched the Lance Armstrong interview last week . It was very interesting.Your motherinlaw works with my Aunt Janice and I was telling her how much I enjoy reading about you ,your family and your experiences.I hope you post again before surgery. STAY STRONG . I will be thinking of you.
I just loved this post, Barb — and I couldn’t agree with you more. I have been a Lance fan since Kim was diagnosed…and she was SO inspired by him. He had just begun his battle and was forming Livestrong as she was battling her cancer — and we all are STILL wearing the yellow bracelets. She read all his books and just believed in his cancer “story”…and that’s ALL that matters to me. That he has inspired not only my beloved sister, but you as well, is all that matters to me — I could care less about what he did in cycling, I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how it could POSSIBLY overshadow all that he has done for cancer patients and their families. In the balance of things, we all have to decide if the good we have done in this life outweighs the bad, and in that balance, I know where Lance falls…I can’t WAIT to hear of your successful surgery and all the inspiration that you will provide to SO many others!!
Barb, you are one remarkable person! Lance Armstrong would be blown away by you!!! Thank you for inspiring others while fighting this battle. You will win, that’s it!