It’s been a while since I’ve had a true blog entry.  Here goes!

I saw a quote over the weekend.  I can’t remember where it came from but it went something like this:  this year was challenging which means that I actually learned something.

Jameson and Chase started school about 3 weeks ago.  It’s been a crazy 3 weeks!  The kids have had a total of 14 full days, I believe, and Chase missed, I believe, 3 of them because he had a virus.  When Chase gets sick, he runs pretty high fevers – reference last year’s blog entries for a play-by-play!  Chase’s fever went up as high as 105.  I can handle a lot but when it comes to my kids getting sick, I’m a big baby.  I’m a hysterical panicker – if that’s even a word!  Anyway, I had him to the pediatrician’s office twice – once before Labor Day and once after.  The kids see Dr. D.B. Penugonda – my old pediatrician.  She actually called me, herself, and said, “Listen, Mommy, you bring all 3 of your kids over to my house and I’ll watch them.  You and your husband – go on vacation for a week!  Stop checking Chase’s temperature every 5 minutes.  Even if he was admitted to the hospital, they would only check his temperature every 4 hours.  He has a virus.”  The thing is, she’s always right.  Always.  She is one of the few people who I completely trust 110% when it comes to healthcare.  She’s an awesome, awesome doctor.

So, of course, Chase’s fever was gone a day later.  Then, Cam started!  She was up from midnight until 5am screaming.  Screaming straight.  Screaming straight for 5 hours.  Nothing would calm the poor kid down.  I was ready to drive her to the ER because I didn’t know what was wrong with her.  I thought that she might have an ear infection.  Ironically, Cameron was scheduled for a well visit the next day.  Her temperature was 100 by 9am.  Dr. Penugonda checked her and told me that it was a virus – probably the same one that Chase had picked up.  And, she told me not to worry.  Cameron would probably have a fever through the weekend.  She was right!  Thankfully, we only had one bad night with Cam.

This brings me to my next subject – how in the hell did Sal and I make it through last year with a 3 month old baby who refused to sleep, a kindergartener and a pre-schooler, a breast cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, surgery after surgery, and radiation treatments?  Wrap your mind around that one!  I know, I can’t either.  This just goes to prove my point that you do what you need to do to get by.  You don’t complain or whine about.  You just do it.  Looking back now, after having one sleepless night with Cameron, I have no clue how we were able to function for the majority of 2012.  I’m going to say that we were blessed with divine grace and a ton of support from our family and friends.

I took the time last week to completely organize my “pink binder” and all of my cards.  I took the time to read each one.  It felt like I was reading each and every one for the first time.  I’m pretty sure that I was in shock last August and September and I completely blocked out a lot of stuff.  I’m amazed at how little I recall.  I know that I was physically present at many things, had “normal” conversations, but I think that I was just acting “normal” in order to get by.  I want to thank all of you – really and truly thank you – from the bottom of my heart for all of your cards, prayers, support, meals and help in caring for our children.  Your love and kindness really did carry me through.  I have finally gotten my “thank you list” together again and will start putting a dent in them later this week.

Sal and I met with Dr. Saidman 2 weeks ago week.  I have 3 Herceptin treatments left to go.  Dr. Saidman gave me his seal of approval which to me is like getting the ok from your parents when you’re a kid.  Doc is an outstanding physician but he’s very cut and dry.  I guess if I were in his shoes I’d have the same manner, too.  I guess that when you’re in a position such as his, you have to be very careful about giving any kind of reassurance because it could come back to bite you.  I wouldn’t want to get too close to any of my patients because if you blink your eye, they’re here and gone.  Sad, but true.  So, Dr. Saidman is very pleased with my progress.  He is in favor of my enrollment into Dr. Brian Czerniecki’s Phase I vaccine trial – hopefully, I’ll get in.  He said that the vaccine trials are highly regulated by the FDA and he feels as though it’s a good idea.  I’m psyched to get started with this.  Oh, I can’t believe that I’ve forgotten to mention this up until this point.  My cousin, Jimmie, who is a huge fan of Star Wars is going to be so upset that I didn’t tell him this.  After my mastectomy, one of the nurse’s referred to Dr. Czerniecki as “Chewbacca”.  He looks scary and mean, but deep down he’s like a teddy bear.  Anyway, back to Dr. Saidman – doc wanted to know why I’m so skinny and asked if I’m getting enough protein.  My response – I was 3 months postpartum when I started therapy.  I still had baby weight left over from Jameson – she’s 6!  I stopped eating like crap!  I know that estrogen is released from fat cells so I don’t want any of that lingering around.  Weight Watchers taught me how to eat.  Doc’s response – good!  You’re right.  Keep doing what you’re doing.

For 2 weeks straight, I was using Xanax 0.25mg at bedtime.  I was having a really tough time sleeping and staying asleep.  I’m off of it now.  After 2 weeks, I felt like I was having a drug hangover.  I made up my mind to clear my head prior to bedtime.  When I wake up in the middle of the night, I don’t look at my phone or turn the television on.  I lay there with my eyes closed and try to force myself to fall back to sleep.  It’s kind of working!  At least I don’t feel like a stoner at 6am!

Two things that I’ve been pondering a lot lately:  after a cancer diagnosis, why are some of us ok and some of us aren’t?  I really don’t know if it has anything to do with one’s stage upon diagnosis.  Look at Lance Armstrong.  Statistics say that he should be dead.  It’s all just crazy to me.  I also wonder if I hated my chest my entire life because I knew that it would eventually turn on me.  I complained about the size of my chest for as long as I can remember.  It’s strange.  I really do think that we’re all souls living life trying to figure out what we weren’t able to figure out in our prior life.  Each shot at life gives us another chance.

So, I mentioned that I’ll never call myself or consider myself a survivor.  I don’t really care for the term.  Why is it that the term seems coined for breast cancer, only?  When you think about it, all of us are survivors of something – a car accident, a bad relationship, an addiction, etc.  I never hear anyone refer to them as “survivors”.  “Did you hear about so and so’s divorce?”  “They’re such survivors.”  It’s ridiculous.  I, personally, don’t ever want to be defined by breast cancer.  Please, just call me Barb.  Say that I’m a mom or a wife or a pharmacist or a friend.  Please, just don’t call me a survivor.  I think it’s lame.  I’m sorry to all of you “survivors” out there who identify with the term.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m ecstatic that cancer is gone and hopefully, gone forever.  However, I still don’t think that I’ve done anything better than the next person.  I played the hand that I was deal.  I don’t want cancer lingering over my head in any way, shape or form which is why I don’t want to be known as Barb Sciandra – Survivor.  Plus, I hate that tv show.  The music just started playing in my head!  Sorry, Ann!  Ok, no survivor – the tribe has spoken!

Sal and I returned from Madison, Wisconsin, around dinner time today.  Ironically, the University of Wisconsin – Madison’s mascot is the Badger!  How funny?!  We were away since Thursday celebrating with our friends.  Kevin Splain and Cori Zeman became Mr. and Mrs. Splain on Friday evening in Madison.  Kev and Cori have been HUGE supporters of Sal and I this year which made the decision to fly to Madison even easier.  We felt so honored to be a part of their special day.  It was great hanging out with Kev and Cori, Dave and Erin and Bryan and Erin as well as other old and new friends.  It was so great to get away.  Sal and I missed the kids terribly but knew that they were in good hands here with Sam and Hil, my Mom, and my aunt and uncle.  It takes a village!  Oh, also ironic, we ended up at The Old Sugar Distillery last night.  It’s like Madison knew that we were coming!!!!   And, Banks, thanks for the shirt.

Two reminders:

1.  E-mail updates are now working on this site!  Please sign up to register if you’re interested in what’s going on the second that I post!

2.  There is a lot of information that goes along with the second reminder!  I’ve registered a team for Scranton’s Susan G. Komen walk which will take place this Saturday, September 21.  You must register online if you wish to participate in the 5K or family fun walk.  My team name is Barb’s Army and I am listed as the team captain.

http://www.komennepa.org/komen-race-for-the-cure/teams/

The following is the e-mail that I sent out to all of the registered team members.  Some helpful information will be included here.