Closure, as defined by dictionary.com, is a bringing to an end; conclusion.

At the end of any relationship, I believe it’s all that we’re ever really looking for.  Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t.  Throughout the course of my relationship with Sal dating back to 1994, we probably broke up and got back together 3 dozen times!  I never had closure and I guess there’s a good reason for it.  We ended up getting married!  I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.  This past year has been tough and it’s been especially tough for Sal.  If you don’t know Sal, personally, he’s a wonderful human being and I’m so lucky to be married to such a great person.

Yesterday, I had what is hopefully my last procedure with sedation ever.  Sal and I traveled to Penn where I had my port removed and had minor tweaking done on both breasts as well as on my abdominal incision.  I hope to have the nipple tattooing done in 6-12 weeks once the breasts are completely healed.  This will be an in-office procedure and takes about 30 minutes – 1 hour.  For some reason, yesterday’s procedure ended up being the worst one!  I know!  Of all of the procedures that I’ve had done this year, the simplest one was the toughest!  I don’t do well with pain meds at all which is why I choose not to take them.  I had a rough time with the anesthesia, too, and ended up getting sick on the car ride home.  It’s over and done with, though, thank goodness.

Tomorrow, I have my very last Herceptin treatment.  Thomas Lee, the fifth grade student from Holy Rosary who initiated two Think Pink, Wear Pink days, will be accompanying Sal and I.  The money that Holy Rosary raised for me and my family is going to be donated to the Prescription Assistance Fund at MOA – Medical Oncology Associates – my local oncologist’s office.  I asked Thomas to come with me so that he can receive a tour of the facility, see how the medications are administered, and learn how the money raised will be put into action.

Lastly, as I near the completion of my overall therapy, I am still trying to enroll in Dr. Czerniecki’s vaccine clinical trial.  Please keep your fingers crossed and continue to keep me and my family in your prayers.

So, why am I talking about closure?  I was trying to figure out a good ending point with this blog – a time when all is said and done and cancer is no longer a part of my life.  Unfortunately, this will never happen.  I’ll never have closure when it comes to cancer.  No cancer patient will ever have closure because once you have cancer, even though it may be cured or in remission, it still lingers around.  You think about it and you worry about it and you hope that you never need to deal with it again.  So, I am going to continue writing as long as you continue reading.  I’ll keep you updated on the day-to-day things that occur in my life and will also keep you updated on my progress.  Hopefully, I’ll never need to write about cancer treatments, procedures or Sugar ever again!

My site is going to be undergoing maintenance so I apologize if you’re having trouble accessing it for a while.  As long as you’re signed up for e-mail updates, you’ll be notified when another post is made.  Thanks again for all of your support.  I truly appreciate you taking the time to read what I write.

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!

http://psdispatch.com/news//916386/GUEST-COMMENTARY

October 20, 2013

Dear Friend,

Sadly, this note of thanks is long overdue yet it could not come at a better time as we are well into the month of October – breast cancer awareness month.

On behalf of my husband, Sal, and my children, Jameson, Chase, and Cameron, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your participation in this year’s Liberty Tax Fundraising events.  Your kindness and generosity is appreciated more than you’ll ever know.  May’s events were a touching experience.  I can’t even begin to describe the flooding of emotion that overtook me in seeing the beautiful display of donated baskets at The Brickhouse, the feeling of being reunited with old friends who came to show their support, the excitement in seeing new friends, and the humbling turnout of golfers who braved the very cold May day to participate.

My family appreciates the love and support bestowed upon us by all of you, our wonderful family, our dear friends, and the supportive members of our community more than words can express.  My family has felt the overwhelming outpouring of kindness every step of the way since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in August of last year.  Saying “thank you” does not seem sufficient to convey how appreciative we truly are, but I’m at a loss for what else to say or do.  So, thank you once again.  I am inspired by your generosity and thoughtfulness.

Throughout the past several years, Liberty Tax has served as, what I believe, a role model for other businesses in that they look for ways to give back to their community.  Liberty Tax encompasses the values that each one of us should hold dear – a generous nature and a kind heart.  Liberty Tax is not obligated to plan community fundraising events every Memorial Day weekend yet they do.  Mark and Jeanna Mihalka, Joe and Amy Mihalka, and Bob and Christy Savakinas have sacrificed time with their own families, once again, to ensure that everything run smoothly this year.  They succeeded in planning two extremely successful events in order to give their time, talent, and treasure to others.

Thanks to Liberty Tax and because of YOU and YOUR generosity and hard work, $13,372.27 was raised for breast cancer awareness this past May.  I have placed a total of nearly $15,000 (and growing!) in a special account for the time being.  Sal and I would much rather give than receive and we’re trying to instill this virtue in our children as well.  Our family is extremely fortunate in many ways – we have health insurance, for one, and are blessed with an amazing support system – an army of people, really, encompassed by each one of you.  We don’t feel comfortable using the funds that have been raised for our family but would rather put the gift towards something that will impact a larger number of people – breast cancer research, namely.  I have been spending a good deal of time seeking out opportunities to best put this money into action as I am near the completion of my overall therapy.  I promise to keep you informed on how we are making an impact on the war against breast cancer.

For some reason, part of my life’s mission has become sharing my story with others.  During this month of October, I would like to encourage each and every one of you to know your bodies – go for routine check-ups and take charge of your health.  Be your own advocate!  Women, please schedule your mammograms and be diligent in doing monthly self checks.  Encourage other women in your life to do the same.  As they say, early detection is the best protection.  If you feel as though something doesn’t feel quite right, be persistent.  Keep using your voice until someone will listen to you.  And, most importantly, never, ever give up hope.

In closing, I would like to encourage you to donate generously to cancer research.  It is through funding that we continuously inch our way towards a cure for this terrible disease.  If you pray, please remember in your prayers those who are going through a difficult time that are not as fortunate – those who may not have anyone supporting them or praying for them.  As you continue to pray for me and my family, please say a special prayer for these individuals, also.  Having the support of my community has made things so much easier for my entire family.

Thanks again for all that you have done for us, The Sciandra Family.  Your benevolence will never be forgotten.

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!

With Love and Deep Gratitude,

Barbara A. Sciandra

barbstrong.pixelengine.net

Sal and I traveled to Penn 2 weeks ago for a follow-up with Dr. Serletti.  I’ll get back to that.  On the way home, I told Sal that I’ve felt the best that I ever had in my life.  I told him – and I really feel this way – that this past year hasn’t been so bad.  I mean, I wanted a breast reduction anyway.  I’ve hated my chest since high school.  Really.  Sal looked at me while he was merging on to 76 and said, “Barb!  Are you crazy??!!  You’ve been through hell!  You could have gotten a breast reduction much easier than going through all of this!  It’s like saying that your house burning down is not a big deal since you were going to move anyway!”  Is it weird that I think that’s ok, too?  I really wouldn’t sweat that, either, as long as everyone is out of the house safe and sound.  Who cares?  You’re house is just filled with stuff, anyway.  Yes, it would stink to lose little keepsakes like baby pictures, a wedding album, etc. but no one died.  The same for this past year – I didn’t die.  I had to power through a few tough things but don’t we all?  This year taught me how to eat better, how to set a better example for my kids and it put my life into perspective.  As long as I make it through all of this without an untimely short life, the ability to raise my children and the task of driving my husband crazy for many more years then the struggle was well worth it!  And, I got the smaller chest that I wanted!  I’m just chalking 2012-2013 up to life experience.  Like I said, you might think I’m crazy!

We’ve come a long way since October of last year!

I don’t think that I ever posted this picture.  I know that I texted it to a few you last year just to be an ass!  This is to serve as a reminder to never lose your sense of humor.  How about how bald I was?!  Completely!  Sal and Ann – “I’m losing my hair!  I really am!”  My head was decorated with last year’s Halloween candy!  I still can’t believe that I had no hair.  It really did fall out!

This is from my neighbors, Cheryl and Kellie – 2 of THE most thoughtful people on the planet.  It’s my very own, Living, Fighting, Believing pumpkin!  Hope you had a great birthday, Kel!  We love you guys!

So, what’s been going on?  I had my second to last Herceptin treatment on Thursday.  Sal and I also met with Dr. Saidman.  We had a great appointment.  He seems very pleased with the way that everything is going.  I really hope that I kicked this to the curb for good.  Doc’s office is always decorated so nicely.  It really is a pleasant atmosphere – for an oncologist’s office and treatment center!  The office is decked out in pink for the entire month of October.  They have a huge fundraiser every October to raise money for their Prescription Assistance Fund.  The office staff is so wonderful.  They really are.

As I started to mention, we met with Dr. Serletti 2 weeks ago.  I’m scheduled for what is hopefully my last procedure ever on Monday, November 4.  Dr. Serletti will be doing my 3D nipple tattoos, tweaking what isn’t “perfect” and removing my port at the same time.  I want all of this done in one shot so I don’t have to go under general anesthesia twice.  I’ve had enough anesthesia to last a lifetime this year!  I’m getting my port out before my last Herceptin treatment because if I were to wait until after my last treatment – which is on Wednesday, November 6 – I’d have to wait until the end of December until Dr. Serletti has availability again.  This would mean scheduling appointments to have the port flushed and having one more thing cancer-related hanging over my head for the holidays.  No, thanks! Sal and I will be traveling to Penn on Thursday for my pre-admission testing.  I hope I don’t have the same tech that asked me to put tape on my nipples!

I finally spoke with someone from Penn yesterday regarding Dr. Czerniecki’s vaccine clinical trial.  I’ll admit it.  Yes, I’ve been stalking the office!  I’ve been calling every week for about 6 weeks to let them know that I’m interested in enrolling, that I’m close to finishing Herceptin, to keep me in the loop, etc. etc.  Good news for me, bad news for them – open enrollment was supposed to have started already.  It hasn’t.  Anything involving the FDA can take longer than anticipated.  33 patients will be enrolled and Penn is hoping that enrollment will begin in 3 weeks.  I’m finished with Herceptin in 3 weeks and am willing to start the vaccine process the next day.  The trial will require me to travel to Penn once a week for 6 weeks straight then every 3 months for 1 year.  Put me in, coach!  I’m ready to play!  I’m full-blown neurotic and will do whatever it takes to prevent this monster from growing inside of me again.  Honeybadger. Don’t. Care.

I mentioned before that I completely blocked out a good portion of last year.  As I’m starting to think back to everything that happened one year ago today – and so on – I can’t remember a lot.  My short-term memory is also a little fuzzy.  I used to be really sharp.  My friend, Lindsay, and I call it our “elephant memory”!  We couldn’t forget things if we tried to!  Now, I can’t remember things that I should be able to!  I’m not sure if I should attribute this to chemo brain or menopause.  Christ!  It stinks to be a woman sometimes!

I really need to get back to exercising on a regular basis.  Everyone says that chasing after 3 kids is enough but it really isn’t.  I need to get back to the gym to start running and lifting weights, most importantly.  I’m at a higher risk for developing heart disease and osteoporosis because I had my ovaries removed.  I’m dreading putting Cameron in the YMCA daycare for an hour, though.  Cameron, you see, hates everyone!  She has stranger danger amplified!  It will be good for me – and Cameron – to get started doing this sooner than later because it will make starting Pre-K in a few years easier on both of us.  I hesitate to tell this story but it was hilarious – something right out of a movie.  On Chase’s first day of school this year, I saw a little boy hanging on to the fence.  His Dad was trying to pull him off of the fence to get him into the school.  The little boy was actually hanging horizontally.  I’m sorry if you were the boy or the parent and you’re reading this, but it gave me a chuckle and broke my heart at the same time.  This, ladies and gentlemen, will be my daughter in 2 more years!

I’m starting to realize even more what a special bond I have with Cameron.  It’s crazy to think that Cameron – that tiny little girl – saved my life.  I love her age.  She can’t speak many words just yet but she knows how to communicate.  Sal and I taught all 3 of our kids a few baby signs – just enough to get us by so we would know what they needed – more, please, thank you, all done.  Cam is so funny.  She screams, “MAAA!!” constantly.  She is high-pitched and doesn’t sound like much of a lady!  Audra and Mark’s baby boy was baptized last weekend.  Mark’s sister happened to hear Cam scream, “MAAA!!!!” and said, “the meatloaf!”  Check out this video from Wedding Crashers and it will make sense:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqwAXk8c2Ew

Speaking of mama bear.  I didn’t mention mama bear?  Well, I did now.   Mama Bear came out a few weekends ago.  Let me say this.  I am a HUGE soccer fan.  I started playing the sport when I was 6 years old.  I love it.  I would love it even more if one of my three children liked it!  It’s painful for me to watch my children play.  Jameson, God love her, is too sweet to be playing soccer.  She doesn’t have an aggressive bone in her body.  James would rather pick daisies and tell the other girls how pretty their hair looks.  She cheers for the other team when score a goal, too!  Anyway, this is one of those instances when it’s ok for me to say that Jameson is better equipped for doing other things but no one else is allowed to say that.  It was really difficult for me to watch other kids being mean to my daughter – pushing her around, actually, because she was daydreaming on the soccer field.  Why are little kids, girls especially, mean?  I don’t get it.  I felt my insides going crazy and wanting to scream at those kids and their parents!  I now know why real life mama bears attack!

Finally, after over 7 years, I’m starting to get my fashion mo-jo back.  I used to have a shopping problem – ask Colleen!  We spent many trips to the King of Prussia Mall – a shopper’s promised land – spending money that we didn’t have.  We’d feel better about charging things we shouldn’t have at lunchtime over a martini – or two!  I’ve been cleaning house around here.  I think after the mastectomy I had 10 bags of my own clothes go to good will.  I’m slowly starting to replace things.  I’m not just saying this – I feel the best that I’ve ever felt.  It’s amazing how much your diet affects your life, your energy level, and your overall sense of health.

I had my first shot at modeling a few weeks ago!  Yes, it’s perfectly ok to make fun of me for this!  This is not “my thing” at all.  I am the person who woke up with hives on the day of her bridal shower and paged the dermatologist.  Who pages a dermatologist?!  My sister had to run out and pick up hydrocortisone cream that morning.  Oh, yes.  True story!  I’m a nervous wreck when it’s all eyes on me and I really dislike surprises.  Anyway, I agreed to do this for my friend, Nacole.  Nacole has been a friend of mine since high school.  She was so, so good to me this past year.  I’ll be forever grateful to her for allowing Sal and me to come in with Sugar.  She put us in a private room and styled Sugar for me before I lost my hair.  She let me drop off the damn wig to wash it and restyle it.  Nacole is a saint!  So, the salon where Nacole works had a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer.  It was a great cause and ended up being a fun night out.  The salon’s owner, Angie, is one of the most generous people you’d ever meet.  She matched what was raised that night and donated everything to Making Strides.  The salon was decorated beautifully and they were so kind to “the models”.  Thanks to Jameson, my Mom and Aunt Tina and my friends, Angie, Nicole A, and Nicole F for coming out to heckle me!  James was too cute!

Thanks to each one of you – and largely in part due to the amazing Faculty and Staff of Holy Rosary – $585 and growing was raised between the time of the Komen walk and now.  All of this money has been placed in a special account for safe keeping until we figure out what to do.  My thoughts as of right now are this – to give half of the money to Dr. DeMichele and half of the money to Dr. Czerniecki for their research, respectively.  Then, I’d like to set up my own fundraising page through the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.  So far, this foundation seems to make the most sense to me.  91 cents of every dollar raised goes directly to breast cancer research.  This is all speculative but this foundation seems to have everything that I would want my own foundation to have.  Check it out –    http://www.bcrfcure.org/  Keep in mind that I might change my mind tomorrow!  I have an internal struggle between setting up my own foundation and partnering up with an existing one.

So, how funny is it that a large portion of this past week’s How I Met Your Mother dealt with thank you notes?!  I’m telling you – if you don’t watch the show, please start watching it.  The last season ever just started a few weeks ago and it’s so funny.  I laughed my ass off on Monday when they were talking about thank you cards and timely etiquette.  FYI – my cards are well over a year past due.  That is NOT proper thank you card etiquette!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and best of luck to a very special person on Tuesday morning.

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!

Happy Saturday Afternoon!  I wanted to thank all of you that supported me in 2013’s Race for the Cure.  I’ll be posting pictures soon.  I’m sorry that I didn’t get a chance to speak with everyone on “Barb’s Army”.  Somehow, I ended up running with an empty stroller while chasing after Chase (ha!  chasing after Chase!  funny!), Sal ended up carrying Cameron for 3 miles, and Sal’s sister, Audra, pushed Jameson and her daughter, Andie, in a double stroller.  I have no idea how this happened but it was a great day, nonetheless!  The weather held out for the walk, the luncheon, and Jameson’s afternoon soccer game.  My very generous aunt and uncle, Tina and Pat, planned a wonderful catered brunch for everyone by our favorite caterers, The Epicurean Delight.  We only had one snag over the weekend – the tent, table and chairs that I rented were delivered and set-up on Thursday afternoon.  They were removed on Tuesday morning.  Well, on Tuesday morning, my sister, my aunt and I were sitting at my kitchen table when a panicked young man knocked on our sliding glass door.

• Dude:  Can you turn off your gas?
• Me:  Ummmm……I can check but I’m not sure.
• Dude:  I, uh, hit your gas line and gas is shooting up in your yard.

So, because I’m clueless, I called Sal at work who told me to wake the baby and to get out of the house.  Needless to say, we had a mini-fiasco here!  Sal called 911 and UGI.  To make a long story short, when the tent was installed on Thursday, they drove a stake perfectly through the gas line – the line that runs from the street to our house.  We had no issues until they removed the stake.  We’re very lucky since our caterers were using open flames on Saturday afternoon.  That young guy is lucky he wasn’t smoking when the leak occurred.  I guess I’m lucky, too, considering we would have had an explosion in our yard.  The kicker is, the dude and his associates took off.  He didn’t wait for the police to come to file a report.  When I called the tent company, the owner told me that it’s not their responsibility and that her guys were already on their way to the Poconos for another job.  Everyone is always just so quick to C-Y-A that no one even worries about doing the right thing anymore.  Anyway, at least all is ok and no one was hurt.

There was some controversy at the Komen walk this year!  Can you believe that there was a “Barbara’s Army” this year with pink camouflage t-shirts?!  Copying is the highest form of flattery, right?!!  My team was buzzing about this.  It was pretty funny!

I got chatting with an older lady after the walk on my way back to the car.  Here’s how the conversation went:

• Lady:  Great cause.
• Me:  Yes, it is.
• Lady:  I had breast cancer (waiting for a sympathetic response).
• Me:  Me, too.
• Lady (eyes getting big):  Stage 1
• Me:  Stage 2 in the right and Stage 3 in the left
• Lady (jaw dropping):  You had it in both?
• Me:  Yes.
• Lady:  I had a lumpectomy and radiation
• Me:  Chemo, double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction, oophorectomy, radiation, and aromatase inhibitor
• Lady:  You didn’t lose your hair.  That’s great.
• Me:  It grew back already.
• YADA, YADA, YADA

This annoys me.  Why do people expect sympathy?  It drives me nuts.  And, why does there seem to be a pissing contest over who had it worse?  I hate when people say that they “only had stage 1 or stage 2 cancer”.  You had C-A-N-C-E-R!  None of it is good!  Holy Moly!

So, as many of you already know, I used to consider myself the “Queen of mixed tapes”!  Yes, very 90’s!  Most likely, if we were friends in high school or college, you received one of my tapes!  My cousin, Christy, sent me an awesome mixed CD this past week.  Christy is introducing me to some new music which I love.  It’s an awesome eclectic mix – right up my alley.  This inspired me to start a new play list.  So, here is what’s on my latest iPhone mix right now, and thanks, Christy, for the ideas:

• L.IF.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. – Noah and the Whale
• This Too Shall Pass – OK Go
• Sight of the Sun – Fun
• Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes – Paul Simon
• I Love It – Icona Pop
• Walls (Heart so Big) – Tom Petty
• Cups – Anna Kendrick
• Glad Tidings – Van Morrison
• Empire State of Mind – Jay-Z and Alicia Keys
• Harvest Moon – Neil Young
• 32 Flavors – Alana Davis
• Downeaster Alexa – Billy Joel
• The Spirit of Radio – Rush
• Halo/Walking on Sunshine – Glee
• Glass of Water – Coldplay

I’ve never been an anxious person.  Neurotic, yes, anxious, no!  I’m not sure if this past year just started creeping up on me or if I’ve had too much going on, but my insides have flipping out!  I spent the last year fighting like hell to just keep my head above water.  It was tougher than it looked.  Last week, I felt like a big ball of nerves.  I can empathize with anyone who suffers from anxiety or depression.  A week was long enough for me.  I worry a lot about a cancer recurrence and what this would mean for me or my family.  I feel like Pigpen with a dark cloud following me around sometimes.  It’s a really crummy feeling which is why I try to ignore it.  HER2+ breast cancer spreads to the brain more commonly than any other type of breast cancer and it’s tough to treat because of the blood/brain barrier.  This scares me.  A lot.   Again, this is why research is so important.  Drugs like Herceptin have hopefully decreased the instances of this occurring by preventing the spread before cancer has a chance to make it to the brain.  I’m trying to take my own advice which is to just continue to live life to the fullest.  That’s an easy thing for me to do since I love my life.

There is nothing worse than listening to people talk who think that they’re better than others.  I’ve started humanizing things.  I think that I just made up that word!  Feel free to use it!  Anyway, I’ve always been half decent at relating to other people.  I’ve never had a tough time making friends and I’ve always tried to be nice to everyone.  I really don’t care about your title or your status in society.  Actually, I could give two shits about it!  If you’re a kind person with a good heart, then we’re all good.  I stopped being self-conscious around other people who act like they’re better than I am.  We’re all just people swimming through life in the grand scheme of things.  If we treated each other as such, we’d all get along much better.

One person who deserves to act like she’s better than anyone else, however, is Valerie Harper.  This actress was diagnosed with an incurable form of brain cancer in March.  She was told, at the time, that she only had 3 months to live.  She is now competing on this season’s Dancing With The Stars and credits, in part, her positive attitude with helping to get her through the tough days.  If you ask me, Harper rocks!

I found a great website in my Internet googling.  It allows you to list all of your breast cancer info – receptor status, surgical status, chemo, radiation, etc. – and then matches you up and lists every clinical trial that you’re eligible for in the United States.  It will also e-mail you directly if any new trials come up.  Pretty, cool, right?

I was reminded of one of my favorite lines from The Godfather III – “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”  I don’t like hasty decisions and Sal and I have vowed to never make another one.  I’m really struggling with the decision that I need to make regarding the money that’s been raised up until this point.  I have almost $15,000 put away.  Here is what I’m struggling with – people have put a lot of time and energy into raising this money.  I don’t want to just give it away.  I’ve started looking into partnering up with an already existing organization but I don’t like the way that the money will be used.  There is no guarantee that the money won’t be used for administrative costs or for breast cancer research only.  I haven’t looked into handing it to a doctor, directly.  I think about starting my own organization but I don’t want breast cancer to become my life’s mission.  However, I don’t think that I’ll be happy raising funds for another organization when I know too much about how these non-profits operate.  I know that I, personally, can do a better job.  I have a lot of passion and a lot of drive.  I am so lucky to have so many supporters and truly generous people who want to help me.   I would feel a lot better coming up with a tax deductible non-profit organization and giving people the opportunity to donate to research directly.  Stay tuned.  Like I told my mother-in-law, most things in life that require a lot of work are the things that are worth it in the end.  If it was easy, everyone would do it.

I hope that each one of you took the time to watch the season premier of How I Met Your Mother this past Monday.  I thought that both episodes were great!  I’m looking forward to watching a wonderful season.

Have a wonderful weekend!  We’re off to the pumpkin patch soon!  Enjoy this beautiful weather!

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!

I have a few extra shirts if anyone is interested.  The following sizes are available:

• 1 youth medium
• 1 youth large
• 2 XL
• 1 XXXL

Cost is $10 per shirt.  Any leftover money is being put aside until I decide which research facility to donate it to.  Stay tuned!  Thanks again for your love and support.

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!

Hey Everyone!  This will be my last post prior to Saturday’s festivities.  I wanted to let you know that there has been a change to our meeting place.  We will be meeting on Spruce Street at the NROC (Northeast Radiation Oncology Center) table/booth.  You’ll see a picture of one of my physicians, Dr. Chris Peters.  The booth will be close to Northern Lights near the Courthouse Square Fountain.

I distributed a lot of t-shirts this evening.  Many t-shirts will be distributed at the kids’ school tomorrow and the rest I will distribute at some point during the day tomorrow.  If you ordered a shirt but are not making it to the walk, I have your shirts in envelopes ready to be mailed out on Monday.  Thanks for supporting me!  I hope our team wins the t-shirt contest.  I think our shirts look great.  A huge thanks to Maudeen and RayAnn at MadTees.  They did an awesome job!

Lastly, please feel welcome at our home after the race.  We hope to greet you with Bloody Marys and mimosas!  You deserve it!

If you have any questions or if you need to get a hold of me on the day of the walk, kindly call or text me (570-407-0780) or Sal (570-704-7480).  Sal has his phone on him more than I do.  I’m looking forward to seeing you on Saturday morning.  Thanks for your support!

Have a wonderful weekend!  Think Pink!

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!

I just wanted to let everyone know that you are no longer able to register for a specific team.  This includes Barb’s Army!  Apparently, the online deadline to register for a specific team was Sunday night at midnight.  I do know that some people were able to register for my team as late as 9am on Monday morning.  Who knows!  Anyway, you can still register as an individual and you can still walk with my group, but you will not be included in my team’s final tally.  No biggie.  I’m sending this update to let everyone know that I will collect everyone’s registration from my team tomorrow morning if you have not yet received your packet via mail.  If you are planning on registering as an individual, please do so immediately and let me know ASAP.  I will collect your registration material, also, tomorrow morning when I go to the NEPA Komen Headquarters in Scranton.  I can’t make another trip nor do I stand a shot of making it there by 6:30am on Saturday!  If I don’t collect the materials for you, you’ll either have to pick up your own materials prior to Saturday or you’ll have to be there early on Saturday morning.  So, as long as you register today and let me know that you’ve registered as an individual, I can and will collect your materials.  Also, our t-shirts will not be ready until late Thursday.  I will pass out to those of you that I see.  Everyone else, I will have yours with me on Saturday morning at the race.

Also, I think that there will be a change in where we’re meeting on Saturday.  I will e-mail everyone and will post it on here as soon as I know the exact spot.  Please spread the word!  Also, please RSVP to the brunch if you haven’t already.

Thanks!  Looking forward to seeing you this weekend!

LIVESTRONG and God Bless!

It’s been a while since I’ve had a true blog entry.  Here goes!

I saw a quote over the weekend.  I can’t remember where it came from but it went something like this:  this year was challenging which means that I actually learned something.

Jameson and Chase started school about 3 weeks ago.  It’s been a crazy 3 weeks!  The kids have had a total of 14 full days, I believe, and Chase missed, I believe, 3 of them because he had a virus.  When Chase gets sick, he runs pretty high fevers – reference last year’s blog entries for a play-by-play!  Chase’s fever went up as high as 105.  I can handle a lot but when it comes to my kids getting sick, I’m a big baby.  I’m a hysterical panicker – if that’s even a word!  Anyway, I had him to the pediatrician’s office twice – once before Labor Day and once after.  The kids see Dr. D.B. Penugonda – my old pediatrician.  She actually called me, herself, and said, “Listen, Mommy, you bring all 3 of your kids over to my house and I’ll watch them.  You and your husband – go on vacation for a week!  Stop checking Chase’s temperature every 5 minutes.  Even if he was admitted to the hospital, they would only check his temperature every 4 hours.  He has a virus.”  The thing is, she’s always right.  Always.  She is one of the few people who I completely trust 110% when it comes to healthcare.  She’s an awesome, awesome doctor.

So, of course, Chase’s fever was gone a day later.  Then, Cam started!  She was up from midnight until 5am screaming.  Screaming straight.  Screaming straight for 5 hours.  Nothing would calm the poor kid down.  I was ready to drive her to the ER because I didn’t know what was wrong with her.  I thought that she might have an ear infection.  Ironically, Cameron was scheduled for a well visit the next day.  Her temperature was 100 by 9am.  Dr. Penugonda checked her and told me that it was a virus – probably the same one that Chase had picked up.  And, she told me not to worry.  Cameron would probably have a fever through the weekend.  She was right!  Thankfully, we only had one bad night with Cam.

This brings me to my next subject – how in the hell did Sal and I make it through last year with a 3 month old baby who refused to sleep, a kindergartener and a pre-schooler, a breast cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, surgery after surgery, and radiation treatments?  Wrap your mind around that one!  I know, I can’t either.  This just goes to prove my point that you do what you need to do to get by.  You don’t complain or whine about.  You just do it.  Looking back now, after having one sleepless night with Cameron, I have no clue how we were able to function for the majority of 2012.  I’m going to say that we were blessed with divine grace and a ton of support from our family and friends.

I took the time last week to completely organize my “pink binder” and all of my cards.  I took the time to read each one.  It felt like I was reading each and every one for the first time.  I’m pretty sure that I was in shock last August and September and I completely blocked out a lot of stuff.  I’m amazed at how little I recall.  I know that I was physically present at many things, had “normal” conversations, but I think that I was just acting “normal” in order to get by.  I want to thank all of you – really and truly thank you – from the bottom of my heart for all of your cards, prayers, support, meals and help in caring for our children.  Your love and kindness really did carry me through.  I have finally gotten my “thank you list” together again and will start putting a dent in them later this week.

Sal and I met with Dr. Saidman 2 weeks ago week.  I have 3 Herceptin treatments left to go.  Dr. Saidman gave me his seal of approval which to me is like getting the ok from your parents when you’re a kid.  Doc is an outstanding physician but he’s very cut and dry.  I guess if I were in his shoes I’d have the same manner, too.  I guess that when you’re in a position such as his, you have to be very careful about giving any kind of reassurance because it could come back to bite you.  I wouldn’t want to get too close to any of my patients because if you blink your eye, they’re here and gone.  Sad, but true.  So, Dr. Saidman is very pleased with my progress.  He is in favor of my enrollment into Dr. Brian Czerniecki’s Phase I vaccine trial – hopefully, I’ll get in.  He said that the vaccine trials are highly regulated by the FDA and he feels as though it’s a good idea.  I’m psyched to get started with this.  Oh, I can’t believe that I’ve forgotten to mention this up until this point.  My cousin, Jimmie, who is a huge fan of Star Wars is going to be so upset that I didn’t tell him this.  After my mastectomy, one of the nurse’s referred to Dr. Czerniecki as “Chewbacca”.  He looks scary and mean, but deep down he’s like a teddy bear.  Anyway, back to Dr. Saidman – doc wanted to know why I’m so skinny and asked if I’m getting enough protein.  My response – I was 3 months postpartum when I started therapy.  I still had baby weight left over from Jameson – she’s 6!  I stopped eating like crap!  I know that estrogen is released from fat cells so I don’t want any of that lingering around.  Weight Watchers taught me how to eat.  Doc’s response – good!  You’re right.  Keep doing what you’re doing.

For 2 weeks straight, I was using Xanax 0.25mg at bedtime.  I was having a really tough time sleeping and staying asleep.  I’m off of it now.  After 2 weeks, I felt like I was having a drug hangover.  I made up my mind to clear my head prior to bedtime.  When I wake up in the middle of the night, I don’t look at my phone or turn the television on.  I lay there with my eyes closed and try to force myself to fall back to sleep.  It’s kind of working!  At least I don’t feel like a stoner at 6am!

Two things that I’ve been pondering a lot lately:  after a cancer diagnosis, why are some of us ok and some of us aren’t?  I really don’t know if it has anything to do with one’s stage upon diagnosis.  Look at Lance Armstrong.  Statistics say that he should be dead.  It’s all just crazy to me.  I also wonder if I hated my chest my entire life because I knew that it would eventually turn on me.  I complained about the size of my chest for as long as I can remember.  It’s strange.  I really do think that we’re all souls living life trying to figure out what we weren’t able to figure out in our prior life.  Each shot at life gives us another chance.

So, I mentioned that I’ll never call myself or consider myself a survivor.  I don’t really care for the term.  Why is it that the term seems coined for breast cancer, only?  When you think about it, all of us are survivors of something – a car accident, a bad relationship, an addiction, etc.  I never hear anyone refer to them as “survivors”.  “Did you hear about so and so’s divorce?”  “They’re such survivors.”  It’s ridiculous.  I, personally, don’t ever want to be defined by breast cancer.  Please, just call me Barb.  Say that I’m a mom or a wife or a pharmacist or a friend.  Please, just don’t call me a survivor.  I think it’s lame.  I’m sorry to all of you “survivors” out there who identify with the term.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m ecstatic that cancer is gone and hopefully, gone forever.  However, I still don’t think that I’ve done anything better than the next person.  I played the hand that I was deal.  I don’t want cancer lingering over my head in any way, shape or form which is why I don’t want to be known as Barb Sciandra – Survivor.  Plus, I hate that tv show.  The music just started playing in my head!  Sorry, Ann!  Ok, no survivor – the tribe has spoken!

Sal and I returned from Madison, Wisconsin, around dinner time today.  Ironically, the University of Wisconsin – Madison’s mascot is the Badger!  How funny?!  We were away since Thursday celebrating with our friends.  Kevin Splain and Cori Zeman became Mr. and Mrs. Splain on Friday evening in Madison.  Kev and Cori have been HUGE supporters of Sal and I this year which made the decision to fly to Madison even easier.  We felt so honored to be a part of their special day.  It was great hanging out with Kev and Cori, Dave and Erin and Bryan and Erin as well as other old and new friends.  It was so great to get away.  Sal and I missed the kids terribly but knew that they were in good hands here with Sam and Hil, my Mom, and my aunt and uncle.  It takes a village!  Oh, also ironic, we ended up at The Old Sugar Distillery last night.  It’s like Madison knew that we were coming!!!!   And, Banks, thanks for the shirt.

Two reminders:

1.  E-mail updates are now working on this site!  Please sign up to register if you’re interested in what’s going on the second that I post!

2.  There is a lot of information that goes along with the second reminder!  I’ve registered a team for Scranton’s Susan G. Komen walk which will take place this Saturday, September 21.  You must register online if you wish to participate in the 5K or family fun walk.  My team name is Barb’s Army and I am listed as the team captain.

http://www.komennepa.org/komen-race-for-the-cure/teams/

The following is the e-mail that I sent out to all of the registered team members.  Some helpful information will be included here.